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Ideas would help
Hello Lovlies,
As usual I am going through a rough patch. I had a kidney stone a few weeks ago and the doctor gave me Tramadol. It's a very weak pain med; but supposedly works really well with the bupenorphine I'm on now.
I took it for a few days and the voices reappeared. Then, we got into a little tiff with our landlords and suddenly everything went pear shaped. I am now on medication three times a day: when I wake up, in the afternoon, and in the evening. I can't drive, and I had to miss Phillip's grandmother's funeral. I felt like such a horrible person for not being able to go---not being able to go because I am insane.
This place I'm living in is just too stressful. The landlords are constantly screaming at each other, and when the voices come I think they're screaming at me. I can hear them screaming at me. I get a little better, but then something happens and now I'm worse off than I started. I need to go home—but last time I spent a while at home my landlords were unhappy.
I know what you're thinking, but moving is not a good idea now—not with Phillip still being on disability and only getting 70% of his pay. As soon as I can drive (or find a ride) I will go home—I lined up some doctors' appointments for next week, so I have an excuse.
Here is the real issue and what I need help with: Phillip and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary on the 12th. After all the shit we've been through this year I want to do something really special (and frugal). We had planned to buy each other little trinkets (no more than $50) and having dinner at a nice restaurant…..but now I can't drive (as you know, he can't drive because he's leagally blind), I have no energy to go shopping , and don't think I could make it through a high-class restaurant experience….maybe not even a restaurant at all. I'm just tired and loopy and so, so unhappy at this point.
Please give me some ideas as to how to celebrate this anniversary that do not include me cooking or having to clean up after myself or just watching a movie….something .special. I feel that I need it after everything that happened this year—Phillip and I are back on the same page and we should celebrate; but I am screwing everything up. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM
Let me know.
Love as always,
Kimi
Hello Lovlies,
As usual I am going through a rough patch. I had a kidney stone a few weeks ago and the doctor gave me Tramadol. It's a very weak pain med; but supposedly works really well with the bupenorphine I'm on now.
I took it for a few days and the voices reappeared. Then, we got into a little tiff with our landlords and suddenly everything went pear shaped. I am now on medication three times a day: when I wake up, in the afternoon, and in the evening. I can't drive, and I had to miss Phillip's grandmother's funeral. I felt like such a horrible person for not being able to go---not being able to go because I am insane.
This place I'm living in is just too stressful. The landlords are constantly screaming at each other, and when the voices come I think they're screaming at me. I can hear them screaming at me. I get a little better, but then something happens and now I'm worse off than I started. I need to go home—but last time I spent a while at home my landlords were unhappy.
I know what you're thinking, but moving is not a good idea now—not with Phillip still being on disability and only getting 70% of his pay. As soon as I can drive (or find a ride) I will go home—I lined up some doctors' appointments for next week, so I have an excuse.
Here is the real issue and what I need help with: Phillip and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary on the 12th. After all the shit we've been through this year I want to do something really special (and frugal). We had planned to buy each other little trinkets (no more than $50) and having dinner at a nice restaurant…..but now I can't drive (as you know, he can't drive because he's leagally blind), I have no energy to go shopping , and don't think I could make it through a high-class restaurant experience….maybe not even a restaurant at all. I'm just tired and loopy and so, so unhappy at this point.
Please give me some ideas as to how to celebrate this anniversary that do not include me cooking or having to clean up after myself or just watching a movie….something .special. I feel that I need it after everything that happened this year—Phillip and I are back on the same page and we should celebrate; but I am screwing everything up. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM
Let me know.
Love as always,
Kimi
Never Doubt the Glory of God
Never Doubt the Glory of God
It seems bizarre—it seems impossible: I have my husband back. It's really him.
Maybe all the prayers and well wishes from you, my friends, did the trick. Maybe it was simply a miracle. Maybe it was just an experience I had to go through. I don't know. I do know this:
My husband came back to me. He's still having problems—especially with his memory and speech. He can go from normal speech to incredibly labored and slurred speech. It frightens me each time; like he might be having a absent seizure or stroke symptoms---but with the regularity of these events and the continued improvement in our relations
His Mom's Great Idea and This Weekend
Today, I received a call from Phillip's mom. She and his step-dad have had him since last Thursday. She informed me that Dennis (step-father) and her had found a "home" for Phillip. A place with various levels of assisted living—from independent to completely dependent, like a hospice or nursing home.
The most horrifying part of their proposal was the fact that they believed I would leave him there, that I would live separately; as if he had Alzheimers or something and I couldn't (or didn't want to) keep him at home with me.
That was a crushing blow, for two reasons: first, their total lack of faith in me to stay with their son and be
I'm Alone. It's Excruciating.
I'm Alone. It's Excruciating.
Today, I remanded Phillip into his mother's care; and drove back home to be with my parents.
I told him that we both needed time to heal, and that I had to do it away from him. Surprisingly, he understood.
All the bitterness disappeared as I watched him walk out of our house. All of it returned when I sat home again, on my bed, and realized that he's gone. That I'm gone too.
That it's all gone; all things have ended. I have ended. I am no more.
OK-I Get It. Here's What I'm Going to Do:
Friends.
You have been heard. You have been cogitated on and ruminated on during many sleepless nights and dour days.
Phillip and I are going tomorrow one last time to our psychologist. I am then taking him home, taking him on Wednesday to his doctor—and (potentially, almost definitely) leaving him to come back to my parents' for a while.
To make sure this transition is safe, my father will be accompanying us. If—and this is a big "if"—enough progress is made through our counseling and under my father's supervision, I may stay with Phillip for a while.
My plan though is to leave. Leave, for as long as it takes me to get my
© 2012 - 2024 rainonwednesday
Comments6
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I'm really liking some of the ideas that the first responder game up with. Especially the romantic picnic in the living room. I feel like you could also use your art for Phillip. A scrap book perhaps with pictures and poems that show your journeys together.
I'm so excited about your anniversary! It is a monumental occasion considering everything you've gone through. I wish you the best of luck! <3
I'm so excited about your anniversary! It is a monumental occasion considering everything you've gone through. I wish you the best of luck! <3